I grew up not having a lot. Things that I had got sold or stolen. My first stepfather was constantly selling our belongings so we could have money to either pay the bills we racked up or to move once those bills lead to things getting turned off. It was a constant cycle of him having an influx of money to buy us all kinds of stuff then selling it all when we were broke. This cycle continued for about 10 years. Then a few years after my mom divorced him, I experienced my first theft. I was 16 years old and my mom's boyfriend stole several pieces of nice jewelry I had (plus some other stuff of ours) and pawned it for drug money. Two of the pieces of jewelry were quite precious to me. One was my mother's engagement ring from my real dad. The other was a ring that belonged to my great aunt. It was given to me by her husband after she passed away a few years before. I was devastated that something like that could happen. And by someone in our home, that we trusted. I left my mother's home shortly thereafter. But would return a little over 2 years later when I found myself pregnant and alone. I then began to realize how hard life was. Money was not easy to come by, we were struggling to make ends meet. My mother and I worked some and we got assistance from the state. We shopped at thrift stores and yard sales. We lived wondering if we would have food for the next meal, or enough money to pay the rent. I realized it was the same as when I was growing up only we didn't get influxes of money and go on shopping sprees. We were wise with our money. We didn't have a whole lot but we made it.
All throughout my twenties I lived this way. I had 2 more kids and more times than not I was living away from my mother. I was married but separated from my husband. I didn't do so well. I had a hard time keeping a job, I was still constantly moving. It was hard as hell. I had boyfriend after boyfriend who more often than not helped out financially but it was still hard. When my husband and I got back together it was no different. We lived in an apartment that had a laundromat but I hardly ever used it because we couldn't afford it. I washed clothes and towels out by hand and hung then throughout the apartment to dry. I remember one time counting 17 loads of dirty laundry on my bedroom floor. It was overwhelming to say the least. I didn't work and my husband would only give me enough money for the bills. No extra. Ever. We had food stamps so that bought the groceries.
I was in college, taking classes online and was receiving financial aid. Every so often I would get a nice chunk of the money left over from my Pell grants after my tuition was paid. I spent that money like there was no tomorrow. I was frugal with it. I still bought things secondhand but I had this intense desire to have THINGS. Clothes, shoes, stuffed animals, purses, THINGS. Things I no doubt could live without. Well some of them at least.
My husband and I separated again and I moved home. I stayed with my mother for a bit. Once talk of a divorce was in the works and I had seen firsthand that my husband had moved on and found someone else, I did the same. I met Nick. A self-employed, hard working man. We moved in with him and his children and he and I married the next year. Nick makes a decent amount of money. We're not rich financially but we somehow make it. My desire for THINGS was still there and for the last 6 years I have continued to feed that desire. Some of it has been frugal, some has not. I guess after not having much for so long, I've gotten a little crazy now that I find myself with a little extra money. My husband (Nick) gives me full access to the money. I always pay the bills (though I did forget the gas bill a few times and it got cut off but I learned my lesson lol). When I first moved in here, he didn't have a whole lot (he says he likes it that way, he doesn't need a whole lot), I also didn't have a whole lot, having to leave behind a ton of stuff when I left my first husband. Now our home is cluttered, we have too much. Way too much. I'm a little ashamed of it. But I know how to fix it. I have to get rid of all the unnecessary stuff we don't need. I'm working on it slowly but surely. I'm ok with it. I'm slowly realizing I don't need THINGS.
Another area I'm working on is our groceries. I buy a lot of food. We have 3 teenagers. But the more food I buy, the more they eat. Nick and I are obese. That's from eating a lot of food. Plus we go out to eat more often than we should. I spend way too much money on food. I make what Nick calls "elaborate" meals. I don't think they're necessarily elaborate. I never really learned how to cook, plus I hate cooking. I'm a mess I know. Pintrest has been my life saver. So many recipes!!! Anyway Nick and I had a come-to-Jesus meeting last night over the groceries. We are fixing to go bare minimum there too. Lots of beans and rice!!!! Sandwiches, pancakes, oatmeal, grits, chili, soups. Cheap stuff!!! So that's where I'm at. Letting go of THINGS and learning to do with the Bare Necessities.
No comments:
Post a Comment